Warning: I am a BIG baby

This post was written at the end of Day ONE in word document, fyi.

Day One, France:

I remember when I moved to Saskatoon. I got off the plane & went straight into a Aarrestad Family Christmas party held at Dave & Sonja’s. About 5hrs into the day, I was in tears, hysterical, wondering “what have I done?”. That homesickness lasted about an hour.

I remember when I moved to Ireland. It was slightly different for two main reasons: 1) Ky was with me as a tourist for 2.5weeks before I actually moved into my place and 2) I had been obsessed with Ireland for 15 years. Any homesickness I had was for Saskatoon (I had made a home there) & that didn’t last long.

I missed Charlotte & Stoon, but I never regretted my decisions to make those moves. Ever.

And each move had its share of problems once I arrived: in Saskatoon, I couldn’t figure out the busing system to save my life & more than once found myself wandering the streets of the city in -30+C looking for something familiar. Limerick was more of a culture shock than I’d hoped because of the gang population – I witnessed more than my share of pickpockets, beatings, etc... I am no stranger to fear.

So why am I sitting in an apartment in France, exhausted, terrified and in tears? Nothing about this feels comfortable; nothing makes me think it will all be alright. All I can think is “what have I done?” (again), but I don’t have the support system here that Stoon offered.

Part of it is leftover concern from all the troubles I had getting here:

1) The university lost my visa application

2) The university lost my housing application

3) The consulate made me reapply for my visa for a 3^rd time the week before I was due to fly out

4) Because of the visa delay, my buddy pass options were quite restricted

5) When I wanted to quit b/c I was so stressed out, my body reacted with & head cold, eczema & pink eye – all at once.

I had 11 months to prepare for this move. The previous 2 moves were made on 8-weeks’ notice (and those were LITERALLY problem-free). But even with all of these problems re France, things kept working out... maybe not according to my plan & maybe not according to my timeline, but they always worked themselves out. I would be ready to give up & stay in the Carolinas, and the door would open again for France.

So I got on a plane yesterday.

And thanks to my buddy pass, my overseas flight was in first class – awesome!

I got to Zurich and felt like all was well & transferred to my train commute into Mulhouse, where I arrived @ 11am and have been here ever since.

I spent the morning visiting with my University contact here, we’ll call her M. M explained the university system, what will be expected of me here, some of the things about the French she thought I’d like to be aware of (nothing extreme) and we ate a French lunch. There was a wall of cheese @ the store.

Finally, it was late enough to get some business taken care of (2pm is apparently the going time for taking care of business), so we headed over to the Uni to get into my apartment. And then it all began again. I will make another list:

1) my assigned apartment didn’t have power – I have to get it connected myself & they won’t be available until Tuesday

2) b/c of this confusion, they gave me a temporary single room

3) it may be me, but since I can’t ask anyone, it still sucks: in this room, I cannot get hot water or heat

4) no internet yet, either

5)and when I finally crashed, after being up for 26hrs, I thought I plugged my fan in properly & it overloaded in about 20 seconds

so now I have no sleep, no fan, no heat, no hot water.

I wake up at 730pm to get to the grocery store nearby for things like... I don’t know... toilet paper... only to find out that the store closes at – you guessed it – 730.

So I try to sleep for another few hours. Wake up at 1030. Keep in mind, this is with my noise machine that turns off every 45mins.

At 1030, I am freezing & I think, “well, maybe there are cafés open in France on Friday nights” so I go to take the tram into town but I only have a 1euro coin and a 20euro note. And the tram ticket kiosk will not accept any of my bank cards from 3 different nations.

So I begin to walk – to see if I can find a convenient store or café nearby – or someplace where I can get change for my 20... and I walk all the way into town. But it doesn’t stop there!

I cannot find a SINGLE place open at 11pm on a Friday night*. I finally find a street with some pubs, so I head in that direction, get turned around, end up in an internet café run by a man from Kuwait who spends 10mins telling me that people from North Africa will run by & grab my shoulder bag before he gives me change. And then I start back “home”.

I am so lost, but I don’t want to show others that I am lost – or that I am American – so I wander... and wander... and wander... until I find myself on prostitute row. I spoke to a prostitute for the very first time in my life – in French, no less! – to ask where the tram was.

I arrived at the tram line to learn that not only was I at the wrong tram line, but also that the tram was out of service.

Not every Friday night at this time, mind you... JUST TONIGHT. They were servicing the intersection of both lines.

So I walked until I got to that intersection & headed back toward my place. The whole time, I am getting more & more stressed out & about 5 blocks from my place – after being yelled at by drivers’-by – a crazy (literally) teenager RUNS – I mean, like he’s being chased! – straight at me. And then stops to ask me for a dime. I FLIPPED OUT. Started explaining that I am NOT stopping, that I don’t speak French well, and that I am NOT STOPPING... when another man comes by, hands him a dime, and starts walking beside me.

He explains that the boy was “sick” and not to worry. And then continues on.

I hold my breath for the last few blocks... get upstairs... sit down on my bed... and cry.

AND CRY. AND CRY.

I am still crying. I am tired, I am scared, I am alone, and I am seriously regretting this decision to move to France. I don’t like regret.

The grocery store opens in 6 hrs & 30 mins. I have a meeting with M at her place an hour later. If I thought I could, I would be on a plane tomorrow back to the States & I have never felt that way.

Please pray.

PS

I just turned my US phone on for the 1^st time so that I could talk to family... and it doesn’t work here... I forgot... crap.

*I did manage to witness an 11pm drunken marching band wandering the streets of Mulhouse... apparently that's not common... it was special, just for me, complete with 3 giant drums, 2 mid-sized one, and several horns, including 2 or 3 trumpets... and it's own random crowd of boo&hissers... (what are those people called???)... fun times!