Mostly just for me...

I just went to the wedding of one of my longest friends ever. Nicola is amazing - vibrant, compassionate, charming, entertaining, but most of all, she takes friendship seriously. Once you're her friend, she keeps you around for as long as she can. She is honest and dramatic and loyal and she lives each moment - never taking life for granted. She found this amazing guy who gets her. He's gentle and fun and considerate. And the wedding was beautiful!

But the reason why I decided to write a post was because of how surprised I am at how emotional I got tonight. The wedding was lovely and the reception was fun - I don't think anyone reading this knows Nicola, but there was obviously dancing - including Thriller, Dancing Queen, Amazing, the Chicken Dance, the Electric Slide & traditional Irish dancing. I believe this eclectic combination of music may give you insight into Nik. Never a dull moment!

Before the ceremony began, I found some friends to sit with... it grew into 3 rows of friends, most of whom I hadn't seen in nearly 10 years, the most recent visit was 2007. Most of us became friends between the ages of 16 & 21, some of us married into the group. We were all best friends: no secrets, lots of drama, and more memories than you can count. And they all came flooding back to me tonight. These were people I loved, no matter what. People I still love. People who taught me what true "unconditional love" means, how to understand & appreciate differences without judgment. They treated me with respect & dignity, protected me, and offered a never-ending supply of hugs.

Tonight, I found those hugs again... and the people behind them. There is the couple who are bankers who can't have kids, so they adopted twins from overseas. The gentle giant who got his heart broken when he found out his fiancee was a lesbian 8weeks before their wedding. The pixie with a heart of gold. The naval officer who flew in from Japan for this wedding. The gay man with HIV whose smile lights up the room. The lesbian couple whose genuine natures and true joy help remind me that it is so not my place to judge others. The twin brother of one of the lesbians who just picked up his white chip today, showing me (again) that it is never too late to improve our lives - that we can, and should, always try to become better persons. His wife, one of the kindest women I know - not an exaggeration. The twins' mom, a sweet tender-hearted angel whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack while out on a jog nearly 10yrs ago - all of our hearts were broken for her that day. She & her husband were our surrogate parents during those formative years. They took us in and made us a part of their family - they opened the door to their home and, with that, their hearts. We belonged.

These people were my family when mine was falling apart. The rocks in my stormy adolescence. The laughter through my constant stream of tears. None of them were devout Christians, none of them prayed with me or quoted bible verses to me. All of them drank. A lot. Some experimented with drugs. Most (all?) of them experimented with sex. I had NOTHING in common with them. But they loved me - REALLY loved me. At an age when virginity is almost profane and non-drinkers were the butt of many jokes, they took me in and accepted me - as different as I was from them, they didn't want me to change to be more like them. They embraced our differences and folded me into their family.

Now, apart from the drinking, drugs, sex & sexual preference... these people are role models for me. They have shown me over the years that we really can love one another unconditionally & that friendships really can last forever.

Tonight, it was like 3 to 7 years hadn't gone by. It was like we were teenagers again, with the same open hearts & the same smiles... and the hugs... I missed those hugs... and I missed their honest words. I needed to hear that I was missed too. Our love is beyond anything any of us can comprehend. It doesn't require us to stay in constant contact - although it would be nice to see one another more often. It doesn't even require that we go down memory lane. It was in the eyes & smiles & hugs of each of us tonight. It was in the pain we shared when we silently remembered the father (figure) we all lost. It was in the winks of support and the nicknames we still answer to after 17yrs.

In the past 17yrs, a lot has happened. Weddings, Deaths, Births, Diseases, Peace Corps, International Travel, New Friends, New Dreams, New Lives...

But tonight, because of a woman who doesn't let go of something as valuable as true, authentic friendship, Nik, Gooblet, Spic, Stin, Philly, Fraze, and more were together once again -- and I was reminded of a life that I had left behind. I don't regret leaving it behind. I wouldn't be who I am today if I had stayed where I was. But the raw emotion that I felt tonight was intense. I have learned so much from being a part of that family, about life, about myself, about my faith... but most of all, about love.

Post-Script:
I went to superforest.org after I wrote this and the first post I read began with this quote. I think it fits well:

“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.” - William Arthur Ward