possible epiphany

Twice today I was in conversation about my faith. The first time was in an office with 3 female university students who were all cracking jokes about christianity and the conversation was in fun, but the context made me a little sad. It started off talking about how something was "of the devil", then evolved into "I was raised Southern Baptist AND Catholic!", which eventually morphed into hysterical laughter and 2 of them stating that they no longer go to church because of the craziness they were subjected to as children and a third just laughing along. Eventually, I piped up. OF COURSE. I mean, I did silently sit through the first 10 minutes, so give me SOME credit for not being pushy! But eventually, in the midst of the "which denomination are/were you?" subject, I remarked that I am a christian. That's all. No denomination, no religion, no segregated perspective... just a plain ole' christian. They all fell silent. Great.

I said that I feel like the only thing denominations do is divide and that I choose to have a relationship with Jesus on my own - and that He and I get along pretty well.

And all three of the girls completely agreed. At one point shortly after, the conversation had turned to communion - wafers vs bread, grape juice vs wine, one cup vs shot glasses - and one girl said, "you know, I understand all of this christian stuff...I just don't believe in it." A second one agreed. And the third turned to me and said, "Stephanie, have you found a church here in Columbia yet?" I replied no and she proceeded to tell me - and told the whole room - that she and her boyfriend had recently been to a church that I may like, about the service she went to and how that group was organized.

Needless to say, I was impressed.

*****

Conversation two went like this:

Class let out really early today and a small group of us decided to go to supper at a Korean/Mexican* place near the Uni. 5 people, 4 of whom are comp lit majors, and 2 of whom are male. There's one male who is... special... I won't say much more because apparently when I vent on here about people in my life, I end up forgetting and giving them my blog address**. And this story is not about this guy in particular - but I think I should say that he is really smart and I don't know how to interact with him without some social awkwardness***.

So I have no clue what the topic of conversation was at all (which is sad), but this guy turns to me and says: "you don't strike me as the christian-type".

WHAT?

So I was like, "really? why is that?" And he says, "I don't know... I mean... I guess I just never saw you as a christian".

So I am like (to myself), "uh oh"... what kind of christian am I if people don't ASSUME I'm a christian after knowing me for an entire semester??? And I was a little sad, I must admit. Thoughts like, "why aren't you witnessing more?" "how could I have shown my faith more clearly?" and "you are a sorry excuse for a seed-planter" all occurred simultaneously.

And so this guy asks, "well... ARE you a religious person?" and I was like, "ummm... NO."

"But I am a spiritual person who follows Jesus Christ. My life is faith-filled, and most definitely not religious... but I am certainly a christian." He says, "oh, me too - I'm episcopalian(anglican for the canadians) - what are you?" And I was like... dude (in my head)... (and then aloud, I responded with) "I am just a christian - no denominational affiliation, just me and Jesus."

Eventually, he remarked that he thinks that (culturally), christian and 'right wing' are synonymous... and that he did not get the impression that I was 'right wing'... with which I wholeheartedly agreed!

So. I guess if being a socialist, liberal, bleeding heart, eco-loving, green living, utopian scholar in the field of humanities gives people the impression that I am "not a christian", then I will have to suffer those consequences. For now. Of course, now my challenge is to change those assumptions. And to fight the categorization that implies that in order for me to represent christ, I have to represent christianity... I mean, if Jesus wanted his people to imitate other people, He wouldn't have died on the cross to have a personal relationship with me. So I will walk my walk and get to know people -- and let them get to know me... and pray that the Jesus in me - not the religion - will shine through and change hearts.

Just sayin'.

Love and hugs to everyone!

*yes, it was a place that served both Korean & Mexican food... "world famous", with a tower of spam cans stacked on display... the other guy was like, "I'm not sure I really want to eat a Korean burrito!"

** Lydia please remind me to never share my blog with said person, okay?? He may not be as understanding as... say... you... :)

*** those of you who can relate: think Enoch times 2, and about a thousand times smarter than me - not joking. possibly hyperbolizing on the last part, but not by much.

Just Like Mary

So a couple weeks ago I found a recipe in Jazon Mraz' blog that I thought would be worth trying - all the ingredients separately kind of grossed me out, but I was still curious to see what it was like. So... I collected the ingredients this week and tonight got around to attempting this new kitchen adventure.

My post title is dedicated to my friend, QOWP, who is so great at sharing her cooking initiatives with blogland - and her photographs are so mouthwatering. I am not claiming to offer 'mouthwatering' - I mean, I am using my Mac photobooth to take the pic - but I thought I would follow in her footsteps and share with you my final product:

Gross, right? But so very tasty! It's the first time I've actually enjoyed the flavour of dates, haha!

So there you go... this is how I spend my Friday nights, yay! I haven't tried the finished product because I have to refrigerate them for a day or so, but so far I am satisfied with the taste. If you are interested in trying something new, raw, organic, healthy, creative, and quick (minus the chilling), I would encourage you to give this one a shot. :)

Love to everyone ~

xoxo

Be Love.

Look at me post 2weeks in a row!

Today, I am in Knoxville, Tennessee with my mom. She is taking a 1.5day course and has a really intense test to take at the end of the second day. I am sitting in our hotel room enjoying the peace & quiet. And procrastinating from actual work. Dude, it's my holiday break - any work I get done means I am one step ahead, and any work I don't get done does not mean I am behind... at least that is the way I justify emailing, & reading blogs and twitter posts and facebook statuses for 2hrs. wow.

So this past week was Christmas. My first Christmas at home in 4 years, to be exact. And I thought it went pretty well! I am grateful to be blessed with a family who is honest, loving, open and emotional. While we are very typical in the fact that we're all a little crazy, I like to think that we are slightly atypical in the fact that we admit it! :) I love that we are always trying to improve who we are and the relationships we have - with one another, with other people and with ourselves. There is this sense of self-analysis that I truly appreciate in each of my family members. I don't know if everyone else's family is like this or not, but I like to think it's what makes my family special - and not in the bad way.

I would hate to live in a family where everything always stayed the same and we ignored our problems. I would hate to be a part of a family that was "perfect" on the outside and completely insane in the hidden parts. I like that we can talk to one another, process with one another and argue with one another - without ever feeling less loved.

It really is a good feeling to know that wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, however I feel, or whoever I disagree with, I will ALWAYS be loved - TRULY loved by my family. That love is what keeps me going. It's what encourages me to better myself and it is what pushes me to really look at my faults and desire to change them.

For me, family is not about tradition. It is not about history. It is not even about proximity. It's about relationships.

I have taken my family for granted over the years and it took me leaving for 6yrs to truly appreciate them. This week - actually, this month - that appreciation was tested - and proved true. I love them more today than ever before. Even if they do get on my nerves. :)

Today, I choose to assume that when my family gets on my nerves, it is an opportunity to BE LOVE. I will fail, I am sure, but this is the outlook I want to have from now on.

Love to everyone in blogland - I hope you find a way to BE LOVE in your life too! :)

New Read

In an effort to post more regularly, I may resort to posting on my current reads... tonight for instance:

I have completed Plato's Symposium and thought I would be continuing Plato to read The Apology... but when I started reading it, I realized that I had already read it for my undergrad*, yay! So since I know the basic plot, I am going to put off reviewing for the details until its turn during the course. So as of last night, I have begun reading Pale Fire by Nabokov.

Whoah.

I am really glad that I have read Nabokov before and feel that he is worth reading - Mary was one of my fave books of undergrad - because this book is craaazy! If I didn't know how brilliant Nabokov was, I would probably be irritated, but I'm going into it with an open mind...

Basically (if I understand correctly), it's a completely fictional book written entirely by Nabokov which includes a foreward; a 4 Canto, 999 line poem; and over 100pp in commentary. The foreward and the commentary are 'written' by a fictional character, who is a self-proclaimed friend to the "poet". So as far as I can tell, there are 3 authors in this book: Nabokov, the Poet and the Commentator. Keeps life interesting, I guess! :)

I am over halfway through the novel and it is really tough to get through the commentary portion, but I am pretty excited to see how class discussions go next semester, haha!

PS
The course is named "irony & truth"... I am really looking forward to this class!!! (that is not sarcasm, fyi - I fully embrace my nerddom... and reserve the right to make up words in the process)


*Things I have learned about myself since beginning my MA: names and I are not compatible. I usually know books and characters by the actions performed. Sometimes, I feel like I am discussing literature from a kindergartener's perspective... "you know, the tall guy whose dad made gravestones and mom was obsessed with property... the one who thought his whole family hated him?" (also known as Eugene Gant from Look Homeward Angel) or "the story that involved a magic ring the lady stole and put under her tongue to become invisible and decided that she no longer needed help from a heroic man who slays sea monsters" (aka Orlando's Furioso - right?) --- all of this to explain how I didn't realize that I had previously read The Apology. The title did nothing for me. But once I realized that it was the defence of Socrates, all was well!

10:36pm, EST

Hello all,

It is not late enough for me to be as exhausted as I am... having done as little as I did today... I blame the rain. And I'm not in Ireland... it just follows me... yay.

Here's a tiny baby update, sort of:

So last month, I met with a man who works with the sustainability department of the University about getting a film brought to Columbia, and last week, he phoned me to ask if I was interested in a graduate assistantship with him next semester! of course, I said "yes." It's basically doing what I did for Dan: managing a billion projects and organizing a small administration. Because of this assistantship, I now qualify for in-state tuition, which is approximately $6000 less per term than out-of-state. WHEW! It's 10hrs/week and I will get a small stipend for those hours, although I don't know how much yet. This position is strictly for one semester for two reasons: his wife will be having a baby and he needs someone to cover the office mid-semester, and...

in the fall, I plan to be in Mulhouse, France, woot! Which brings me to another mini-update. Here are the basics:

Mulhouse is in the northeast corner of France, on the German border & 20km from the Swiss border. It is 1.5hr from Zurich and 3hrs from both Paris and Brussels, by train. And approx 4hrs by car to Milan. craaazy!

I will be teaching English at the university "de haute-alsace" and receiving a paid stipend as well. The position is called a "lectrice" or "lectrice d'anglais" position and runs from october thru may.

I plan to return to the Carolinas over Christmas (the French break is mid-december to 1 february) so that I can take my phd qualifying exams in the first week of January. Otherwise, I will have to postpone my phd an extra year.

I won't be taking phd classes while in France, so I am already postponing one year, but it's worth it because: 1) I get teaching experience at the uni level, 2) I get paid and don't go further into debt, and 3) I plan to be fluent in French by the time I'm done... which brings me to step 3 in this crazy little thing I call "my plan":

I have pretty much been guaranteed a teaching assistantship to teach in the French dept of U of SC (if there is space in the budget) when I return from France, if I do attain the appropriate level of fluency (and I will). Which will give me teaching experience at the uni level in two languages, WOOT!

in other news: my GPA at the end of term 1 is a 4.0! (that's straight As, for you non-GPA minded, haha)... the first time I've made straight As since grade 7.

It seems like I only ever get on here to brag lately... but my life is not always roses, I promise... I just want to take every chance I can to thank the Lord for His guidance and for showing me clearly the path He wants me to follow... Proverbs 16:9.

Now if you'll excuse me, I will return to my regularly scheduled program of "Plato's Symposium"... it took me 21 minutes to write this post. I really do hope to post more often so that you guys aren't limited to my random updates on here!

PS
This break, I will be attempting to create two work-related blogs, so maybe if I get into the habit of actually posting for those, I can add something personal on a regular basis too... idealism, I know, I know... and fyi, the topics of my other 2 blogs will be: environmentalism made easy and a biblio of utopian publications (obviously not the titles of the blogs, haha!)